Well, given all of the social unrest of the past week, the pandemic feels like old news. My son Ross’s manager died suddenly last week at just 33 years old. Not from Covid-19 or violence, but from an undetected heart problem. That made me think then about how absolutely true it is that any of us can go at any time, no matter the precautions we take. I’ve been scared about Ross, in the midst of the protests in Richmond. I’ve been scared about his safety, but also his spirituality, that he doesn’t become eaten up with anger. I’ve been scared for my stepbrother Rodger, who had to evacuate his home in Philadelphia and doesn’t know what he will come back to, if anything. I could get all gloomy about that, but I choose to ask myself, am I fully living this life today?
Some of you know that a couple weeks ago I was in the ER with stomach pains that got called “IBS.” No doubt triggered by the stress of the times. Again. (Happily, I’m on a new diet/supplement/exercise plan of attack for that with my trainer, Chase Silverstein). I can grumble over occasional flare-ups, or I can celebrate that my body, for the most part, is doing a splendid job. I have both my eyes, all my limbs, and most of my teeth (had to have a molar pulled a year ago). And what can I do in this precious day, which might be the whole rest of my life?
I can choose many things. I might choose to become distraught and suffer over what I can’t change. Maybe I can change on a local level. Or maybe I can just look within myself. Is there any racism or stereotypes I’m overlooking that I am unaware of? Is my ego ruling my heart in presuming intellectual superiority over ignorance? How can I, on this day and each one going forward, always be kind and useful–to myself, to my loved ones, and to the world? That’s my new goal.
I started today with yoga and then my Buddhist women’s group. I’ll likely go for a quiet walk soon. And here I am writing, my favorite thing, which I keep getting too busy to do. I’ve been giving my Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons to the Wildlife Rescue Center, and all my time around that to tarot clients. I want to make sense of this experience while I am here. I want to become a better person each day, and I want that person to contribute positively to the world. I want to be a channel of love. I want to open dialogue instead of just shutting people out who disagree with me. I know that preaching to the choir has never worked, nor has hating people who have different opinions. War is no solution to war. It starts with me.
The picture above is called “Again Toward Morning,” by Jeanie Tomanek. Thanks to Ann Watters, who shared it in my group this morning.